September 27, 2006

Lost

I'm not fast at the best of times, its two finger typing, one finger each hand. But I'm sitting here and I'm down to just one. Private hospitals in Thailand are very clean, and the nurses wear cute little retro uniforms like out of 1970's movies.

But really I just want to go home.
So much.

Everything has changed and it's not... its the begining, but maybe not...
I'm scared - And I want a cigarette...
I want a lot of things...
I'm a mess...
So much has happened...

Found Mark and Shanti.
Found out Spence has a job, he's leaving for Indonesia, and the earthquake!
Found out I'll become something I always wanted to be, ssh, not a word.

Lost my temper
Lost my mind
And pretty sure I've lost my relationship. Along with getting very lost in the jungle and buggering my shoulder.


Now I'm bleeding, I don't want to lose anything else.
I don't want to lose anything else.
Please.

I just want to go home.
Please.

September 26, 2006

Hush the head

...walked, thought.
Didn't help that much.
Spencer wants to go find the guys maybe, and eat, thats fine by me, tho' I'm not hungry, but perhaps having a chat about what Shantis' and mattress ladys' day was like will hush my head and will take me out of my own thoughts, which would be a releif.
I keep looking at Spence and I have no real idea whats going on in that head of his.
Do I need to?
Might be nice - then again, worse, it might not!
God I'm knackered or something?
I just want to have a quiet night, don't even feel like a drink, I'd love it if Spence would give me a long massage and be extra, extra lovely to me.
Then I'm sure I'd be just fine in the morning.